Tuesday, October 21, 2008

When Your Boyfriend is a Chef...

There is probably a common fantasy that when you have a chef for a lover or even a sibling, it’s pure euphoria. We think of delicious food on the table and someone to tuck us in bed every night with homemade gourmet ice cream. Maybe yes, maybe no. But alas, there are a few realities why it is not easy having a chef for a lover.

10. Don’t expect fancy dinners all the time. I honestly find lucky those women who have chefs for a mate, if such partners had enough stamina to cook for them on a regular basis. Because for the life of me (this could be an excuse because I am a woman), cooking is such an exhausting job that every time I go home late, doing another mise en place is the last thing I ever wanted to do. I just take a brief shower then doze away in sixty seconds and dream of giant blue cabbages. I only get to cook for my family once or twice a week.

9. Don’t expect breakfasts in bed either. Another ironic reality is that I’ve never cooked for the guys I dated. During the weekend and holiday mornings, instead of lazing away in bed with the morning paper and a romantic brunch, I had to go running like crazy at 7 am for the weekend and holiday crowd. This pissed off a former lover who once bellowed at me, “Get a f------- real job!”

8. Chefs being artists have their own mood swings. Don’t nag if your chef- lover is all clammed up while you blabber on. He’s not listening to you. He’s thinking how he screwed up the sauce last night and got a customer complaint. Or, he’s thinking about what dish goes best with pickled scallions. Sometimes you’d also find him sketching with his fingers on the air. He’s composing a meal.

7. You can’t go on last-minute dates. Unless you want to go out with someone whose hair smells of hickory barbecue sauce or hold hands with someone who just chopped tons of onions… it’s entirely up to you. And besides, our backpacks are not always squeaky- clean impressive. We have soiled aprons, perspired kerchiefs, kitchen- smelling clogs.

6. If you’re both chefs dating each other, it’s either you coach each other how to make the perfect hollandaise or pick upon the other’s cooking. Would you be exchanging recipes and techniques in between kisses? Would you be discussing the anatomy of a sandwich instead of rolling under the sheets in the morning?

5. Forgive them if they’d rather talk of Champagne or Sake than listen to your whines…

4. There’s no guarantee that we could spend special holidays with you. Forget Christmas or Thanksgiving or even Valentine's Day. If you happen to be dating a professional chef, he/ she is cooking for someone else during those times.

3. If you’re a male dating a female chef, extend your patience a little more if her makeup melts like butter all over her face. Be a little understanding, dork! And if you’re a female dating a male chef, get used to waking up with a caveman beside you- the haircuts, the shaving… ah, how often are they forgotten.

2. There’s this unavoidable tendency to curse every thirty minutes. Sorry. Really.

1. And by the way, if you’re a female chef dating a male chef, I could only imagine how the two of you would fight. Not only do you each have a set of knives, but both of you were trained on knife skills, weren’t you?

Proof of my affair.


Anonymous said...

Hahaha.. You're cracking me up Foodhuntress. So... that's the guy, eh! Haha :-)
A curse every 30 minutes... Pfeww.. weak! ;-)

viki said...

..sus, nagreply man tulos an isad ka-tawo..hehe..hala, sakat lubi patiwarik!!!

foodhuntress79 said...

Thank you Zen Chef for visiting my blog. Yes, that affair was a big mistake.

foodhuntress79 said...

Viki- gusto mo iuli sa Tupperware?

viki said...

..wag po!wag po!hehehehe.."he possess great skills!" heehehe..